Not While I'm Around
by KsandraMallan
Summary: Standalone songfic. Postmovie, JohnOC. Lia OC watches John sleep and thinks about their relationship. CHAPTER TWO UP John's POV. Please review!
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: Lyrics belong to their owner. John isn't mine, no matter how much I'd like to own him, and Lia is mine. **

**Summary: Post-movie, dunno if that counts as an AU. Lia watches John sleep and thinks about their relationship. JohnOC; also my first foray into Constantine fanfiction, so please be kind. **

**Background: Lia is around John's age and height, slender (approx 10-20 pounds lighter) and catlike; tanned, with black hair and green eyes. John and she have been friends since they were both seventeen in Ravenscar—she is also psychic (with different strengths from him) and very powerful. During the events of the movie, she was in New York on family business and didn't return until a couple of months after the movie's end. John and she care about each other deeply—they're close friends and partners—but neither is brave enough to admit it. She owns a cat named Ember, who doesn't appear here. **

**(The song is "Not While I'm Around" from Sweeney Todd. Note: … is thoughts)**

I softly pad into the bedroom we share, but John doesn't stir. It's been a long day and we're both exhausted—but being completely tired out is good for him, because the more tired he is, the deeper he sleeps, and the less his dreams trouble him.

_Nothing's gonna harm you, not while I'm around_

We'd banished several demons today; the last two had been particularly "malignant, nasty little bastards" as my part-celestial friend Bryn so delicately put it. Even now, safe in our apartment with the strongest wards our combined power can contrive around it, I can still sense them. They feel like little blips of cancer cells, slinking through the night and staring hungrily through our outermost shield. There were less of them before I left.

_Demons are prowling everywhere, nowadays_

Those little bastards would _love_ to get through the shields; they hate us (with good reason, in my case), they'd love to bust through and tear us apart. But they know better than to try—without waking John, I could reduce them all to dust and still have plenty of power left. So they have to be content with glaring balefully at us and whispering dire threats to us—mostly me, but John's made a few enemies in the demon world. Turning the tables on them—like we do basically every day—feels incredibly good.

_I'll send 'em howling, _

_I don't care, I got ways_

One of the demons we banished today got desperate and jumped at John when he wasn't quite done with the exorcism. If it'd gotten there, it would have ripped his face open—but I'm not the kind to sit by and just watch. I grabbed it and pinned the damned thing down until he finished the process—_nobody _hurts my friends, or even tries, with earning swift, dire retaliation from me. Small wonder nobody tries anymore. No-one human, anyway.

_No one's gonna hurt you,_

_No one's gonna dare_

I sit down on the edge of the bed—a faint whiff of perfume rises to my nose, and I snort softly. It's Angela Dobson's smell. She accepted a permanent posting to Miami and left John with a broken heart a month after the Spear of Destiny incident. I returned a few weeks after that, to a broken-hearted man trying to drink his way into oblivion.

_Others can desert you_

I still remember the way his eyes looked when he saw me standing in the doorway.

Flashback

"John, what in the world have you been doing?" I tossed my satchel aside and crossed the room to the man slumped at the table.

"Lia?" he rasped, looking up at me with bloodshot eyes. " 'm dreaming…"

"Why would you be dreaming?" I brushed hair off his face, stroked his cheek with the back of my fingers, felt the soft hairs catch on his rough stubble. "I said I'd come back once I finished, and here I am."  
"I thought—" He blinked rapidly and swallowed, a childlike quivering of the lip betraying his pretense at being strong. "I thought you wouldn't come back. That you'd left me—" his voice cracked. "—alone."

I smoothed his hair back, trying hard not to retch at the reek of alcohol; Jack Daniels, if my eyes distinguished the bottles' shape correctly. "Hush, John." My hands trembled, much to my irritation. "You're drunk and need sleep."

"I thought you'd abandoned me like she did…" He finally gave in to tears, great racking sobs that shook his whole body.

"Shh, John, it's all right. Easy, it's okay, hush now…" I sank down on a chair and gathered him into my arms, my heart aching. "John, don't cry, I'm here, I promise I'm not going anywhere, I won't leave you here alone…"

End flashback

_Not to worry, I'll be there_

Hey! Get away, you damned thing! Annoyed, I send a jolt through the shield, stunning the demon testing it. Must be new in the neighborhood. I sense it bare fangs at me in frustrated defiance, a grotesque caricature of a smile. Although it can't see me, I smile back, politeness in a thin layer atop barely restrained feralness.

_Demons'll charm you with a smile, for a while_

_But in time…_

This one's taken a nasty shock, and it won't try again so soon. Nothing's going to get through these shields—and to John—while I'm still breathing.

_Nothing can harm you_

_Not while I'm around_

He makes a soft noise in his sleep, snuggling a little close to me. We've both had out share of friends, and a few romantic encounters scattered throughout memory, but we always return to each other in the end.

_Being close and being clever_

_Ain't like being true_

Since the early days of our friendship, we had this implicit trust nobody else—sometimes not even ourselves—understood. We could tell each other anything—

_I don't need to_

_I would never hide a thing from you_

Well, almost anything. I _still_ don't dare to tell him how I feel about him. Why? Because I'm scared. Of what, I don't think I need to tell anybody. Besides, it would ruin my reputation I so carefully cultivate

_Like some…_

I touch John's soft hair protectively. Anyone trying to get to him will have to go through me first.

_No one's gonna hurt you, no one's gonna dare_

In some dream, he murmurs my name. "I'm here, John. I'm not going anywhere." I whisper, and he quiets down.

_Others may desert you,_

_Not to worry, I'll be there_

Dobson had come back _once_ to see John. At the sight of her smile, I had instinctively and instantly taken a severe dislike to her. After a few tense hours, she'd left, and I hadn't seen her since. Which was perfectly all right with me.

_Demons'll charm you with a smile, for a while_

_But in time…_

Lying down beside him, I curl around him; he nestles closer, changing us from two sprawled humans into a tangle of intertwined limbs. I am tired, too, and his body warmth is lulling me to sleep, since I've been awake far too long. Even though he's going to tease me if he catches me catnapping tomorrow, I don't mind. He needs the sleep more than I do, especially dreamless sleep like this.

_Nothing can harm you_

Sleep, John. I'm here. I won't let anybody or anything hurt you, and that's a promise. 

_Not while I'm around._

"Good night, old friend." I whisper softly. "Sleep well. I'll be here when you wake. Good night, love."

**Thanks for reading! Comments are appreciated!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks go to the three people who reviewed this. Kendra Chetnova inspired this, so thank you. **

**Disclaimer: See chapter One. The song Vulnerable belongs to Roxette and not me. **

_The dream is here again. _

_I'm chasing her through swirling billows of mist; she's always just out of my reach, just one step ahead. She melts into the mists, leaving me standing there the way it always happens. I try to peer through the fog, but I can't see anything and my neck hairs are prickling. Forcing down alarm, I call, "Lia?" _

_A hand touches mine, and she is suddenly beside me. "I'm here, John. I'm not going anywhere." _

_Trying hard not to sound accusing or plaintive, I say, "You disappeared and I couldn't find you," _

_She smiles—a heartbreaking expression—at me, green eyes bright, their gold flecks like stars. "You'll always be able to find me. I'm always right here beside you—" she presses her palm to mine, and I feel old scar tissue across the soft skin, then she brushes her sensitive fingertips over my chest, where my heart is. "—and within you." _

I awaken to a darkened room and a warm body curled around me. Instantly, I know Lia is finally asleep. Most likely, I snuggled into her, and she just let me stay there. Moving slowly so I don't wake her up, I turn my head to look at her. She is curled around me like a cat, head pillowed on an outstretched arm, black hair loose around her face, a tiny, content smile on her lips. Even sleeping, she is a beautiful sight.

_Everywhere I look I see her smile, her absent-minded eyes_

I sometimes wonder if our partnership will ever develop into anything else. Wonder—and hope.

_She has kept me wondering for so long, how this thing could go wrong_

Even when we first met, we were much the same. Both hurt, scarred, and hiding.

_It seems to me that we are both the same, playing the same game_

When we were younger, I discovered that Lia always opened up more at night, when it was just us and nobody around to mock or hurt her. After that breakthrough, I found ways to ensure we could talk alone at night. She did open up more, true, but she also became more morose, melancholy, and philosophic. During those nighttime sessions, I prompted and listened—she always spoke in riddles, and I tried to unravel those thoughts on a daily basis, without much luck.

_But as darkness falls the true love falls apart, into a riddle of her heart_

A few years ago, we had a free day, so we headed for Santa Monica for some downtime. We had a lot of fun—one of the best days we ever spent together as friends—just talking and enjoying each other's company and the weather.

_Days like these, no one should be alone_

I had to go pick up something from a contact I had in that area, and Lia said she'd wait for me, since it wouldn't take too long. It didn't take as long as I thought it would—when I got back, she was staring out over the sea, and I could _see_ the armor around her heart, if only for an instant. Once she realized I was there, her external layers of masks came up, hiding the scars, her heart, and the armor again.

_No heart should hide away_

Lia stirs faintly in sleep, the soft, battered fabric of her loose shirt brushing against my bare back, sending shivers of pleasure rippling down my spine. Thankfully, she is asleep and unaware of the effect her light touch is having on me. My nerves are fizzing with a searing but pleasant heat—I dare not think about what a kiss would do to me—and Lia would be laughing at my goofy grin if she was awake.

_Her touch is gently conquering my mind_

We sit together like this a lot, one wrapped around the other. Some people might call it indecent, but who said either of us ever gave a damn about what other people think? We can just sit together in complete silence—words aren't needed, since we know what the other person will say.

_There's nothing words can say_

Over the years, I've discovered Lia's talent for coaxing me out of my armor. In the almost-ten years of our friendship, I think I've told her all my secrets, shared every dream—

_She's colored all the secrets of my soul, I've whispered all my dreams_

Well, all my secrets and dreams except one. I never told her I love her.

In the darkness, it's easy to hide. All you have to do is control your voice and body, and try not to be maneuvered into a lighted area. She's better at it than I am, and is skilled at wrapping the real meaning of her words in layer upon layer of innocently deceiving meanings. She's hard to understand at best, but I'm getting better at reading between the riddle's lines. Or so I'd like to think.

_But just as nighttime falls this vision falls apart, into a riddle of her heart_

Her eyes pop open with a gasp, and for an instant, I see the fear, the vulnerability in those emerald eyes I love. Suddenly, I am reminded that relative to some of our friends and enemies, we are both very young—but you can only see it in unguarded moments like this, before the shields can be slammed into place.

_She's so vulnerable_

The armor slides down over her heart—I can see it in her eyes—and I know it is safe to approach. I take her hand gently, rubbing it in mine. Her fingertips are cold, but her palm is warm. Lia has unusual and beautiful hands—her gold-bronze skin covers delicate but strong long-fingered hands. Every time I hold one, it feels so fragile—and yet so strong—just likes its owner.

_Like china in my hands_

Realizing I'm awake, she turns her head to smile slightly at me. "Hey John." she murmurs.

"Bad dreams, Lia?" I whisper, smiling back at her.

She chuckles, a low thrumming sound, but her amusement doesn't touch her eyes. "Nothing I couldn't handle. You know me."

I try not to show any emotion as I meet her eyes. _Oh, Lia, I do know you…I know you too well._

_She's so vulnerable_

I know why she refuses to trust anyone—but I still don't understand _why_.

She knows I would never hurt her, but she still hides. After Chas died and Angela left, she really was—and is—the only friend I have and had left. She knew, so she stayed without a word and built our lives back up to what they used to be. But she _still_ doesn't let her guard down around anyone, even me, although she knows I would never do anything to hurt her.

_And I don't understand_

_I could never hurt the one I love, she's all I've got_

I slip my arm around her, pulling her close. "You're cold."

"Am not." She protests softly, but nestles into my hug. Lia is slender, even thin, but her feline build hides surprising strength. She rests her head on my shoulder and looks up into my eyes, her gold-flecked green meeting my black. Streetlamp-light catches the gold flecks, making them look like fallen and falling stars. _So many fallen stars, so many still falling._

Her eyes used to be pure green. The gold flecks—falling stars—give her eyes an air of weary sadness and vulnerability; it breaks my heart to see her in an unguarded moment like this one.

_She's so vulnerable_

Lia frowns, breaking my trance. "Quit staring at me, it's rude." she admonishes, but not harshly.

"C'mon, rest. You sleep even less than I do." I wrap a blanket around her—when she tries to protest, I hush her gently. "Shh… sleep. I'll be here when you wake."

She finally gives in and leans into me again, relaxing as her eyelids slide shut. A pang of regret shoots through me as I watch her eyes close—I love her eyes. They are her hallmark, those emerald eyes—and she has to hide them sometimes to stay safely anonymous.

_Don't hide your eyes.._

I wait until I am completely sure she is asleep, then ease us back down onto the bed, dragging the blanket over both of us. Before I close my eyes, I place a kiss on her forehead—a gentle chaste kiss. "Goodnight, dear heart. Sleep well—I love you."

Content, I abandon myself to sleep, with my partner, friend and secret love beside me.

**Finis**

**This is now completed. Thanks for reading! **


End file.
